In reflection of my day, I praise my God Who’s given me much joy and laughter. However, I think about how unworthy I am to be continuously receiving His grace. Sometimes I believe that my praises are unworthy and unaccepted because of my constant sin against Him Who has called me His own and has loved me so deeply. I have to fight against these lies… God has been very good to me in teaching and showing me much this summer of His love.
But yesterday marked the first day I ever felt completely empty and separated from God after I had ignorantly and defiantly sinned. Not even attempting to stop and ignoring His gentle voice. It was a very strange feeling. The emptiness could be described as having absolutely no feeling at all… No joy, no sorrow… Absolutely nothing. I feared, so I pulled out my bible with the desire to eliminate that feeling of not feeling anything after falling once again short. And He graciously gave me joy and peace again.
When I think back to it, the emptiness could actually be better defined as feeling dead. Like I once was.
"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus." - Ephesians 2:1-5