Do not forget your Hope

In reflection of my day, I praise my God Who’s given me much joy and laughter. However, I think about how unworthy I am to be continuously receiving His grace. Sometimes I believe that my praises are unworthy and unaccepted because of my constant sin against Him Who has called me His own and has loved me so deeply. I have to fight against these lies… God has been very good to me in teaching and showing me much this summer of His love.

But yesterday marked the first day I ever felt completely empty and separated from God after I had ignorantly and defiantly sinned. Not even attempting to stop and ignoring His gentle voice. It was a very strange feeling. The emptiness could be described as having absolutely no feeling at all… No joy, no sorrow… Absolutely nothing. I feared, so I pulled out my bible with the desire to eliminate that feeling of not feeling anything after falling once again short. And He graciously gave me joy and peace again.

When I think back to it, the emptiness could actually be better defined as feeling dead. Like I once was.

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus." - Ephesians 2:1-5

clumsiness of nursing students part 1&2

Less than a year ago, my friend and I were doing a lab together. We both had male genitalia dummies to practice inserting a foley catheter.

E: How do I know when I’ve gone far in enough?
J: You’re supposed to go far enough that it won’t go in anymore.
*E inflates the catheter balloon and then checks to see how far she’s gone
E: Oops.
*J looks over

E inserted only as far as the prostate and inflated the balloon there…

There were many laughs that day… And one dummy in a lot of pain. The image cannot be erased to this day.
________________________

Today, as we review our IV labs. E and I shared an IV pole, primed our lines and prepared IV meds.

E: Oh shoot, I primed the IV med bag…
J: Wait, what? How do you prime it then?
E: With the Normal Saline
J: What? I don’t get it…
E: You’re supposed to prime the line with the normal saline!
*J confused and still doesn’t get it. Proceeds to take the already primed line directly out of the normal saline bag already hanging on the IV pole only to discover fake normal saline (aka water) literally pouring out of the bag and spilling everywhere.
J: AH! *quickly reinserts IV line.
E & J: ….

The results were of continuous laughter and a lot of cleaning on my part…

E: Why is it that every time we’re partners, something happens…

TO BE CONTINUED… (hopefully not)

"Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10)

"For I know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps. He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses." (Psalm 135:5-7)

"Rejoice in the Lord always" (Philippians 4:4)

How painful the process of sanctification

Painful yet absolutely beautiful are His works…

I was so sure accommodation was finally settled, however it always seems to fall through. Not only that, but I also unintentionally hurt someone along the way. I had totally forgotten about this person’s feelings and the guilt had engulfed me. So ultimately, I have no place to settle in to. As of yet. Still, talks are on the way soon enough, and He graciously gives me options to my lowly state as to where I can stay. I am humbled…

Amazing is He Who continues to speak to me! His voice is like a song that captivates me. Such a wonderful God, I need not fear. I must remember that He is Almighty and that His love for me is great. I shall wait for Him again and continue to praise Him as He chisels at my rough edges and continuously builds in me greater faith and trust in Him.

Lord, I pray that I would surrender to You.

Funny storrryyyy

Ever since I had no home, I had been calculating my financial needs for the next 2 years… I thought, “wow I really need to stop”. I had been praying about trusting God, so why am I so worried? I’ve lifted it up to Him and He has no doubt provided.

So today, I prayed that God would increase my faith. I also prayed that He’d help me to look up at the real treasures in heaven and forget about my worries with money. I pondered a bit on the idea that money is needed in order to survive here on earth. However, I then proceeded to pray that God would teach me how to live simply.

Then, I go to work to find out that my pants are severely ripped on BOTH butt cheeks… Luckily I had spandex in my bag. This didn’t bother me too much. I liked these pants, but I was just more concerned about who has seen these massive holes thus far and who were going to see them until I got home. I was kind of like “whateva”… but next thing that happens… My phone then decides to fall into the toilet. I frantically looked for rice to put my phone in but I couldn’t find any seeing as I am working in someone else’s home. So for the next 3 hours of work, I did whatever I could to help myself but of course failed. I was a little sad at first… It would be another 550 dollars for a new phone… I’m not even sure my sim card still works… sigh. I just got this phone 2 months ago…

So driving home in bad traffic, I had a lot of time to think, and I remembered what I had prayed earlier today and how God is answering it - to live simply, to let go of money and stop worrying.

Even though, I’ll need to get a phone. It’s a matter of my attitude. And being more careful after I buy a new phone. Maybe it will be an old and used phone. Maybe it will have a crack on it. Either way, I shall find my God more satisfying than material goods or any anxieties I may have regarding finances. SO PRAISE JESUS :)

YAY!

1. Have been on the phone with Rogers reps and Tbooth reps for the past two months trying to settle a $140 cancellation fee. Was told cancellation fee would be $11 but bill came back $140. (This happens very often with every provider for some reason, so this time I wasn’t just gonna pay the bill this time). With lots of frustration that made Nehemiah also super mad (I’ve never seen/heard him yell at anyone before), & right before my bill would be sent to collections because no one was willing to help me… I finally got to a manager that would credit me! BOOYAH. honestly, it was so easy. Divine intervention, of course!

2. Went on my bank app to pay off some credit bills… Noticed the 300 reduced to 92… But how? So $60 came back as moneyback reward… And somehow, a late $100 payment I made last month didn’t go through until this month. This helped A LOT. Thank you, Lord JESUS!


MY GOD IS AWESOME!!! :)

Prayer request

Hi friends,

Before I make this prayer request, I want to give you a little bit of a background on what has been going on in my life which has resulted in my need for prayer and your support. Here goes…

For about a month or so, I’ve been having a hard time, one filled with a lot of stress and loneliness, anger and confusion. I don’t want to go into too much detail concerning someone who really has been forcefully making my days difficult, but I am plainly and simply writing for myself.

Last month, I had to buy a car due to the corolla being sold. With much grace, I have had a lot of financial help which allowed me to purchase a used car… With that being said, I am not doing well financially. It causes great stress and worry when I think about how I will support myself during the school year. And with a nursing schedule, regular work is not an option. I’m really asking for prayer. For me to trust in God’s providence in the area of money and for strength to continue to work and pick up shifts during the summer to save up as much as I can.

So this leads to another issue, I haven’t had a place to call home for about 3 weeks now. Been rotating between three homes: two friends and an uncle’s. I pray for blessing upon these three households for being so gracious as to open their homes to me. Although I waited in worry and stress trying to take things upon my own hands, God still answered and my aunt recently bought a new house and has an extra room for me. This house isn’t done being built yet… Hopefully by mid-August? Until then, I’ll continue staying elsewhere and rotating. Please pray that the house will be built before the summer ends and that I can move in before school starts. Pray that with all the gas I’m using to go around for work and accommodation that God still allow for sufficient saving.

My mind has been occupied with a lot. Things that I don’t really know of or how to articulate. But it makes me moody, stressed and physically worn out. I’m trying to keep calm and reasonable… But the littlest of things tick me off and I have cry spells all the time. Sigh. Please pray for an understanding and attitude of hopefulness and not hopelessness. Pray that I may have a peace from God that overrides all worries and sadness.

I guess lastly, pray for humility and love. That I may have humility to forgive and to love those who have loved me and those who have not. Pray that I may remember my rightness is only through Christ. That all things have happened for a reason, to trust Him who will increase and sanctify me. Often, I have been advised on these matters… Advice that has only brought more stress and frustrations. But I spoke to someone recently who reminded me of something that I had totally forgotten among all this. And that’s that God cares about all that is happening. He cares. And that has given me great peace. Pray that I’ll continue to meditate on this and depend on Him.

Thank you, my beloved brothers and sisters.

Why do you fear, O you of little faith

Often I wonder why I could be so weak in faith to the Almighty and loving God who hasn’t left me… My focus on achievements overshadows the truth of God’s acceptance of me, which then forces me to believe that I have little value and therefore, confused with what assurance I have.

Although, God still has not given me an answer, He has been speaking often. My fear comes from the unknown like what will happen to me? What will happen to my family? How will I go about doing these particular things from now on? These questions to which I have no answer to as of yet… So I fear…

I wonder which decision is right… I ask God to help me choose what would be to right course of action, but no answer… Not only that but He knows what I want and tells me to do what I want while ensuring that things will be understood and communicated to those whom would be concerned. I am praising my God endlessly through the ups and downs and even when my faith was little. Several advice was given to me but none were convicting or gave me peace. Some even infuriated me and kept trying to pull me into a direction I was not comfortable with! But God gave me peace and graciously guided me knowing where my heart lies… How do I praise my God for His grace! Me of little faith, unworthy of love, given what I desire though I did not want to ask God for what I wanted… Is still given it so graciously.

So now I am reminded once again that my fellowship with my God is not dependant on my achievements or accomplishments… (Will I ever learn? Eventually, I will. There is hope!). A relationship truly is a relationship! And my value in this relationship is based solely on His acceptance of me! What assurance is this! :)

Apologies to my Lord for my little faith…! Thank You Lord for who You are! :) YAY. HAPPY.

Blessed be the name of the LORD!

"Our God comes; he does not keep silence;
before Him is a devouring fire,
around Him a might tempest.
He calls to the heavens above
and to the earth, that He may judge His people” - Psalm 50:3-4

"And he said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord’" - Job 1:21

My mighty God, Lord of all… Whom shall I fear but thee in reverence? Surely, my God provides. Surely, my God heals. There is none like my God! And I will choose to bless Your name, and I will bless it with a singing heart because Your grace reaches the deepest of all desperation. Though I am sad, and I mourn… It is but a while. For a short while, Lord, then I will return to singing you praises because You, simply yet truly, are my God. Take all of me, for I will rest peacefully in the surety of Your promises.

Only when you’ve experienced the extent of God’s love can you truly love and forgive others.

- Irreplaceable (Tim Sirsarich with Focus on the Family, 2014)

What’s wrong with the family in our society today? I am.

"If we devalue sexuality, we devalue marriage. If we devalue marriage, we devalue parenting. If we devalue parenting, we devalue children. If we devalue children…"

"Our consumer culture’s influence upon disposable rather than fixable marriages, how the feminist movement didn’t go far enough to ‘fight for a world in which pregnant women are accepted’ and empowered, how defining freedom as ‘a free for all’ [b]has actually made us slaves[/b], how a by-product of divorce is a fear of marriage."

How terribly true that although some of us call ourselves Christian, we have allowed culture to brainwash us subconsciously! We choose “the easy way out” and demoralize commitment. Or we choose to marry later. We choose to have less kids, if any at all. Not only that but we think of children as burdens, as lesser in the family.

My parents divorced, and yes it was painful. Not growing up in a “home” with a nurturing mother was painful. No longer having the instruction of my father is still painful. Family, as what God had intended, is not what it looks like today. And the idea of family or having a family and taking on the role of a nurturer or being a father is being transformed into something negative: burdensome, weak, unsuccessful. Why? Because society says so. Society tells us that we’re not the problem and that the other person or persons are. Society tells us that we should be happy, and if that means pursuing a successful career, throwing away our relationships, and having everything under your control and at your disposal (such as sex), then IT’S OKAY. Well, it’s not okay.

Let’s talk about sex. Hook ups, one night stands, outside of a marriage… And anything of the sort shows our de-valuing of a God given gift that is held within a marriage. People think that they have freedom, they deserve freedom. Well, de-valuing sex, or anything God had intended, and throwing it around calling it freedom because we want to do what we want to do and when to do and how to do it is really making us slaves to what we perceive as freedom. I wish I could quote the exact words from the film that SO SIMPLY explains this, but I apologize, I cannot.

Ugh my head hurts. This was too good… Seriosuly. But One thing I will take from this if I should not remember anything at all…

What’s wrong with the family in our society today? What’s wrong with my family? Me. I am.

DO NOT LOSE HOPE

Although it may seem difficult, although things may seem absolutely impossible, our Almighty God says it is possible. He says that all things laid before us is TRANSIENT, but the things that we CANNOT see are ETERNAL. Let not the things we see hinder us, but let it encourage and motivate us to stand, and I mean stand strong. Stand strong in the Lord with our hands held high in reverence, singing Him praises. With grace that pours over us, why should we fear? Don’t let yourselves fall into the temptation of giving up. You are precious in His eyes, don’t let the evil one take from us this gentle love… This love, our hope, is greater than all our imperfections, greater than our sins… This love, and our hope, it is where we draw our joy from. Although life is difficult, people will disappoint, pride gets in the way, and chaos surrounds us - He is there and He says, “I’m here. Come to me”… So enter into His embrace… He cares, and He’s all you need.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."…"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:7 & 16-18